absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
