peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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