SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
