Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize