but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
