i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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