So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
