Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
