matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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