Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize