I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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