i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
