Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
