you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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