My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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