bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
