Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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