you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
