Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
