I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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