Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
