I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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