so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
