Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
