Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
