after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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