My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
