Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
