Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.

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(705): View more from Ontario

She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on

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These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Read it at the TFLN blog
(319): View more from Iowa

I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot

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(636): View more from Missouri

I'm the Oprah of jello shots

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(804): View more from Virginia

But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed

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