One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
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i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."