Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.