he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.