I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
