wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
