I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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