I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
