oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
