she was so not down for the gang bang
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
