where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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