I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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