can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
