I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
