its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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