I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
