I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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