good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
