I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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