And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
