i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
