Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
