it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
