I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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