3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
