I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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