Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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