He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
