I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
