Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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