the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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