And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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