WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
