it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize