Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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