sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
