Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
