my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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