I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
