I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
