What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
