She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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