My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
