Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
