Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
