i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
as a side note pls kill me
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